Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
