I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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