so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
