Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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