how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
