peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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