god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
