well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You have to summon your inner elephant
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
