using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
