We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
