I've blown a few things in my day
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize