the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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