Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Reggie can tackle my bush.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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