You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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