Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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