do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
