I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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