Its about making memories worth repressing
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize