I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
