We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
