Im at strip club and am horny
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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