Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
