went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i out mim tonsoeep
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