yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
