I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
