i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
