I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
