My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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