i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
