I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
