If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize