In the future we'll all be gay
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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