Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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