Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
