Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
