sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the raccoons are back...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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