you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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