i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You're like the curious george of whores
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
