but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
