you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize