Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
