Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
