I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
