Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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