She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
