I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
