Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
