Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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