Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
