i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize