I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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