So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
