i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
