hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
