Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
