Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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