im holly from the hills drunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
