The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
