You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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