the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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