No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
