they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
