Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
