the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
