I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
