Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
